Ramblings of a Deconstructionist

Questions, Dreams, and Hopes of a Divinity Student

The Time is Now.

Advertisements

Begging for something real…

“My smile is a great cloak that hides a multitude of pains.” -Mother Teresa

It is time for us all to embrace what is real so that we can all be who we are and allow others to be who they are. Stop living under a facade. May we live each day in the honesty of our pains, fears, failures, joys, and hopes.

No longer will I refuse peace with my complaints.

I have complained a lot.

I have complained a lot about what the church isn’t getting right.

I have complained a lot about how Christians are ruining everything for everyone.

I have complained a lot about pastors of churches I don’t agree with.

I have complained a lot.

Well, I am tired of complaining.

I am tired of making excuses for not changing anything.

I am tired of blocking peace with my judgments.

I am tired of getting in the way.

I want to make a way for love, peace, and unity.

We must stop complaining unless we can point to a better, more peaceful solution.

Stall Out

Racing on a fault-line
Bracing for a landslide
Conscious of every move getting harder
As the race goes underwater

I keep stalling out
I just can’t keep up
There’s alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around
to convince me
It’s still far from over

We are still far
We are still far
We are still far
from over

-Mutemath

“There is an intellectual dying & pain when you move away from ideas you once held dear.” -Brian McLaren

“You think you’re  a caged bird unable to fly and change your world,

but you just can’t see past the branches up above.”   -Tirzah Lemmens

I was able to spend the last couple of days at Big Tent Christianity in Raleigh North Carolina with a remarkable and courageous group of people. After hearing 35 speakers I’m sure you can imagine the way my mind is exploding. I am currently “under construction” or rather, “deconstruction,” and I am excited to engage in a deeper, dare I say more free way to live. As I wrestle with accepting a love that breaks down walls, rips away chains, brings peace, and changes an upside down world view right side up, or a “right” side world view upside down I will have to be silent for a while. I need meditation, reflection, and submersion.

Peace.

Empty

What happens when our convictions die?

What happens when our passion fizzles out?

What are we good for then?

These are the questions I am currently asking myself. I want to know how it is that I am able to think about myself all the time when there are people that legitimately need help with buying groceries, that need a place to wash their clothes, and that simply need a ride to work.

Why is it so hard to love people?

Why is dying to myself so hard?

Where is my transformed heart?

Limits of Language.

Lately I have been feeling the limits of language. Words are becoming mere sounds ringing in my ears. I am tired of swallowing large doses of hollow words; where has the fullness and depth of language gone? I keep hearing the same words over and over, and quite frankly I’m ready for silence and reality. Why are the meanings we attach to words fleeting? Why are they fleeting in my life? All the “profound” words that use to have meaning (and I say this generically not eliminating the existing variations of meaning to other people) have lost their essence due to the commercialized world we live in. Take “peace” for example. What the heck does that even mean? Do you understand what peace means when you have the “symbol” on your bag, or earrings? Do you realize that the word “peace” is a symbol for something so unimaginable to the everyday American these days? And yet we butcher the meaning of it by carrying around accessories that display the now annihilated word.

Find some meaning beyond language if you can. It’s possible, I think anyway.